I'm sorry I'm sensitive ...

[Destiny]

as much as I want to be part of these preparations leading up to the day of your wedding .. I'm trying to avoid it .. It only reminds me that You'll be leaving in 4 months .. and I will miss you .. no matter how bratty .. annoying .. and well .. moody I appear to be sometimes .. with the whole MP3 in ears .. don't wanna listen to anyone anymore attitude of mine .. It's all because I'm hurting inside .. I think your ready for this ... but I'm not .. I've never spent more than 3 days away from you .. and now we'll be spending our whole lives apart ... yes there will still be family gatherings and stuff ... but how often does that come around? Once? Maybe Twice a year?! ... I regret all those Lil' fights we've had in the past .. I know mum warned me this would happen ... but as usual .. I never listened .. all those times I annoyed the hell outta you .. I'm sorry .. but I bet you didn't know that I cry myself to sleep sometimes now days thinking about life after your wedding .. I know i still DO fight with you .. knowing your about to leave .. knowing that I should and could do everything in my power to make this remaining 4 months somewhat .. special .. but here again ... my stubbornness has taken over .. and I refuse to show you that my feelings for you have only become a lot more .. overwhelming and that I actually realize my mistake .... Next year .. I wont have you around ... nor will I have our brother here ... I'll be alone .. with mum and dad of course .. but it wont be the same without you guys around ... I wish we could just go back to when we were younger .. when all 3 of us lived under one roof and not in different parts of the world .. We went to buy your engagement ring today .. and you tried asking me for my opinion ... I'm sorry .. I don't think you realized the tears that rolled down my face .. since I kept looking at the other jewelery on display... the white gold earrings and what not .. to distract myself ... but It didn't work .. I couldn't for the life of me ignore the whole point of us being at the jewelers at the first place ... your engagement ring ... I guess i just succumbed to the whole charade of being fascinated with the white gold and diamonds on display like I've always been since I was little .. remember how we used to sit on stools next to each other and tell each other we'll buy the most intricate ... ridiculously expensive pieces of jewelery for one another? *Sigh* guess we're all grown up now .. and its time to move on .. build our own lives .. I just wish we had another year .. that's all ... but I'm happy your happy .. that's all that matters right now ....

My sister will be marrying this guy (who's perfect for her) from India .. on the 25th December 2008 ...

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart ...
but the very next year .......................... you got married ...

<3
D